More Boys Blogs
- Teen Dating Violence
- How To Get the Nice Guys
- Being Noticed by Boys
- Breaking Up - Find out what your break up type is
- DATING: 10 Do's and Don'ts of Having a Boyfriend
- Are You ALLOWED to have a BOYFRIEND?
- What's Wrong With My BFF?
- BOYFRIENDS 101
- Boys on the Brain!
- READER OPINIONS: Why do guys/girls fight the way they do?
- BOYS - What real guys think about body image, the media and what girls assume guys think!
- First Kiss, was it a mistake?
- Boys! - Top 10
- Serious Decisions - when are you ready?
- He Dumped Me and Now I'm So Stressed!!
- Oh No...BFFs like the same guy!
- How Can I Feel Better and Get His Attention?
- He Likes Me... I Don't Like Him
- Guys and Valentine's Day
August 2010 Blogs
How To Get the Nice Guys
BOYS, August 2010, by Jenifer Merifield
How to Get the
If you read last month's BOYS Blog: Being Noticed By Boys (by Brian Bogaert), you may have the same question "Nice Girl" had which was, "...but this doesn't tell me what to do to get nice guys to notice me... but how do i get nice boys?"
Excellent question! Let's start by defining what a "nice guy" is.
The Respect Factor
I'm guessing we all agree on the respect factor. A 'Nice Guy' (NG) respects others. He respects their opinions, their choices and their bodies. He would never say or do anything inappropriate like mocking, teasing, groping or making rude comments. And while he may not agree with all your tastes and likes, if he wants to be in your life he's not going to try to change who you are for his own benefit.
The "Too Nice" factor
You must have noticed at some time or another that girls can be pretty offended and outspoken when the media puts us into a little box of how we're 'supposed to' be to fit in (this thin, this tall, this pretty, etc.).
Yet how many of us have judged guys without getting to know them first and have given them labels like 'jock', 'nerd', 'stud', 'dork'... ? It's time to look past the labels ladies, and give more guys a chance to show us who they really are, just like we want them to do for us!
Do you REALLY want a NG? Of course you do. Why is it then that we say we want a nice guy but when they talk to us and are 'nice' so many girls complain? "He didn't hit on me", "he didn't really notice me", "he didn't say I was pretty/cute/beautiful", "he didn't try to kiss me", "he's TOO NICE". They just can't win sometimes!
NG's were brought up to not be rude or pushy (what we want). NG's were raised to respect girls (what we want). NG's were taught not to pressure girls (what we want). Plus, some of these NG's might be a little shy when they're crushing on you and you make them nervous because they like you. (How adorable is that?!).
So if we really want a NG with all these qualities, why do some girls keep falling for the "bad boy" type?
Yes, that's the sound a sheep makes. And what do sheep do? They follow the herd!
Over time, ideal relationships portrayed in the media (TV, movies, celebs in magazines) get ingrained in our heads. We get an idea of how we're 'supposed to' be in relationships. We're brainwashed to believe that guys will like us better if we look and behave a certain way. Oh yeah, we KNOW that's a bunch of malarkey, but we still primp and fuss and worry about being thinner, prettier or whatever. Then we meet a sweet fabulous guy who DEOSN'T put all the focus on our looks and we think there must be something wrong with us... or him.
Meanwhile, we're just following the herd - baaaa - whether we realize it or not. And we don't realize that this great guy is actually interested in WHO we are, not just how we look. Isn't that what we wanted in the first place?
If you really want a nice guy you need to take a closer look at your expectations so you know when one comes along.
Are YOU a Nice Girl?
Remember Brian's blog I mentioned above? In it he wrote, "Certain fish are attracted to certain lures, and it’s just like people. The type of BOYS you attract depends a lot on the type of lure (the way you dress and behave) you use."? Just like every other guy, a NG will notice a low cut top or "JUICY" plastered across your tush. The difference is, he's not necessarily going to comment on it, but he will likely make a note in his head that a girl who needs that kind of attention probably doesn't feel all that great about WHO she really is, and isn't someone he'd want his mom to meet.
How to Get the Nice Guy
You gotta think about what a NG would want in a GF. Probably the same as you would want from him. If you want respect, be respectful to everyone. If you want funny, laugh a lot. If you want someone you can really talk to, get some hobbies and interests other than FaceBook and celebrity gossip. If you want a hottie, start being less critical and start seeing beauty on your OWN terms. Some of the best looking guys get unattractive real fast when they open their mouth and start talking trash. Just like average looking guys who get cuter the more we like them :)
Here are 7 steps to getting the interest of the NG you like:
1. BE INTERESTING: Read things, join groups, play an instrument or sport, experience life... these are the things that make you interesting and help you to have stuff to talk about with other people. They're also a great way to meet new, like-minded people.
2. PAY ATTENTION: Notice the things your NG likes and does. Is he into music or sports? Does he have some of the same classes as you? Is he involved in a program or club? Does he collect something? What does he eat for lunch?
3. TALK TO HIM: Eventually it's going to have to happen. If he's shy he may not make the first move. So muster the courage and get over there. It's just talking and you don't have to ask him out. For example, if you're behind him in line at the cafeteria and you both order fries, break the ice by saying how you love the fries. When you have his attention, ask him a question about one of his interests. "Nice Hedley shirt. Did you see their concert?" Hopefully that will start a conversation. If it doesn't go far, don't push it. Just smile and wait for another opportunity.
4. KEEP TALKING TO HIM: Every chance you get (without being a stalker!), strike up a conversation. You will eventually find a few topics you both like to talk about more than others. People generally like to talk about themselves and zone out if the topic has nothing to do with them or their interests.
5. DON'T OVER-DO IT: Good things come to those who wait. Ever heard that phrase? Well, it just means to be patient. What would you prefer? Someone who is talking incessantly, popping up out of nowhere and obviously trying too hard... or someone who pleasantly makes conversation with you, seems genuinely interested in you but respects your space and isn't pushy? I think with the latter, the NG will actually look forward to seeing you, rather than hiding when he thinks you're around!
6. BUILD TRUST: Take the time to get to know him, and for him to get to know you before you start planning your wedding in your head! You may even surprise yourself after a while and decide he isn't the BF type. Then you've still got a great new friend and no one's feelings are hurt.
7. ASK!: If you realize that you were right and he is indeed the type of NG you would like to have as a BF, you'll hopefully have an idea whether the feeling is mutual by then. But if not, you're just going to have to ask. So what do you say? It depends on your own situation, but maybe one of these would work for you: "Did you know that I've had a crush on you since grade 7?", "I really like you. Would you ever consider being my BF?" Or you could try the round-about way and ask, "Is there anyone you are crushing on right now?" and find out if it's you before you tell him how you feel.
He's Out There
There really and truly IS someone for everyone... too bad we spend so much time looking for someone else's idea of 'the right guy'.
Don't be a sheep. Work on being the kind of girl your ideal kind of guy would fall for one day. And at just the right time, he will come along.
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