We've been DITCHED...for a guy!

GIRLFRIENDS, May 2007, by Jenifer Merifield


We’ve been DITCHED
...for a guy!


Dear Jenifer,
There are four of us writing this. One of our best friends started seeing this guy and she has totally ditched us! She’s madly in love and isn’t seeing straight. She thinks he’s awesome and spends all her time with him. She used to do stuff with us all the time, and now it seems like she couldn’t care less. Here’s the dilemma... if we tell her we think her guy isn’t good enough for her she’ll probably just get mad. We’re getting fed up and not sure if we want to be friends with her anymore. What should we do?
~ signed, Sadly Separated


Dear Sadly,
I can see why you would all be fed up, and you obviously care or you wouldn’t be writing. So let’s find a solution that works for everyone.

Being in love is pretty powerful. We don’t always think straight, like the example about your friend, and being in love and being human, we also don’t always make the best choices. Put yourselves in your friend’s shoes... You meet and fall for a great guy, you feel like you’re floating above the ground and it’s hard to think of anything else. When you are around your new guy, you feel great. He likes you, he tells you you’re smart and funny and pretty... What’s not to feel good about?

On the other hand, you’re too dreamy-eyed to see that you may be neglecting or giving less of yourself to your friends, your

school work or your family. In the beginning of a new relationship, things can be a little foggy, and tunnel vision can set in.

So if that were you, what would you want from your friends? You have two options:
1. end a friendship because you are faced with a challenge you don’t want to face, or
2. give your friend the benefit of the doubt and support her as you would like to be treated if the roles were reversed.

You girls are understandably feeling rejected right now. Rejecting her back won’t make anyone feel better.

Try to empathize. We teach people how to treat us by behaving in a way that we would like to be treated in return. Like attracts like. The more patient and understanding you can be, the more she will be that way to you.

Have faith. Believe that things will work out for the best. Challenges are nothing more than opportunities for positive life lessons! See this as a chance to get through a difficult situation to be stronger in the end.

You know what they say about Assumptions! Find your courage and tell her your concerns. Explain your feelings in a non-judgmental way. Honesty with compassion will leave everyone’s dignity intact and help you get to the root of the problem. Maybe she is afraid of losing her boyfriend if she spends more time with all of you, and maybe she trusts that she can count on you to be there when she needs you. You just have to ask.

Try to remember that we all make bad choices now and then. Be to her the way you would want her to be in return. Girlfriends are the sisters we choose... don’t give up without a fight!

~ Jenifer



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