June 2010 Blogs

Being Noticed by Boys

BOYS, June 2010, by Brian Bogaert

BEING NOTICED BY BOYS
The fish you attract depends on
the lure you use.

Some of you ladies know that I’m your GCDA Money writer (DOLLAR$ and $EN$E), so while this is not my typical topic to write about it is one I feel just as strongly about.

A Guy’s Perspective
I want to share some MALE perspective on something that may be weird to hear coming from a guy but that’s part of the point. No, I’m not a teenager anymore but it wasn’t that long ago.

I know that you girls are interested in boys – it’s one of the main topics GCDA gets feedback about – and I know you want boys to notice you. I also know that the kind of boys you want to notice you are the nice ones. Boys that treat you with the respect you deserve; who won’t pressure you to do things you aren’t ready to do; and who will want to get to know the real you. You might be at the age where you want to fall in love with a great guy who will fall in love with you too.

Your Unspoken Message
GCDA talks a lot about respect, self esteem, being real, not just following the crowd and doing what is right for you. Let’s talk about the message girls send to boys about the kind of person they are, maybe without even realizing it. You’ve all seen girls with skirts so short that they couldn’t bend over to tie their own shoes! What message is being sent to boys when a shirt is so tight it looks like it was borrowed from their 6 year old sister??! The same for massive amounts of makeup or overly revealing clothing.

If attention is what these girls are looking for, they get it. My question is, do you think that’s the KIND of attention they really want?

Mixed Messages
As a boy, one of the most confusing things about girls is what we call ‘mixed signals’. Here’s an example: “She was all made up with makeup and revealing clothes and then she even flirted with me. When I made a comment about her body she got mad and acted shocked. If she didn’t want the attention, why did she dress and act like that?”

You all know what fishing lures are; they’re what fishermen put on their fishing line to catch fish. Certain fish are attracted to certain lures, and it’s just like people. The type of BOYS you attract depends a lot on the type of lure (the way you dress and behave) you use.

Now let’s get one thing straight, in NO way, shape or form am I saying that I believe any person (girl or boy) deserves to have anyone treat them poorly or disrespectfully, regardless of how they dress, act, or what they say.

What I am saying is – don’t be surprised if the creepy, not nice guys give you attention when you are dressed in a way that may convince them to believe that you are looking for a certain kind of attention that other girls are not.

Looking Like a Victim
Did you know that robbers and muggers are particular in choosing their victims? They pick the people who look like an easy target; the ones who are least likely to fight back, who are walking alone somewhere where they didn’t belong and who looked not confident or distracted (on their phone/wearing headsets).

Now does that mean the person deserved to get mugged? Absolutely not! And police will tell you – DON’T LOOK LIKE A VICTIM! Walk with your head up, stay out of dark alleys, cross the street if you see someone suspicious coming toward you, and pay attention; don’t be on the phone.

The point is, it can happen if you don’t take measures to lower your chances. Your actions may be saying: “hey, I’m an easy target.” The same thing applies with your unspoken message to boys about the way you look and what kind of attention you want.

Don’t make YOURSELF an easy target for rude things to be said to you, or for people to think they can touch you without your permission or make gestures. Take responsibility for yourself and for the responses you get from others. They may not be deserved but they can be a good sign that maybe you need to take a look at the unspoken messages you are sending.

One quick note: you may be doing all the right things to NOT be treated poorly and it still may happen. That’s a time to speak out. Make your no mean no, and command the respect you deserve. Don’t let anyone chalk it up to just “joking around”.

Unfortunately, “Sex Sells”
Now I know that many famous women in the media -- movie stars, pop musicians, sports athletes, etc. -- don’t exactly make finding a role model easy. Many dress with very little left up to the imagination and it’s no wonder guys are blamed for only ever thinking of one thing. If women on TV and peers at school are dressed in a revealing way, boys will think it’s okay to look. And sadly, it’s no wonder teen girls think they have to dress that way to be accepted. The message is: sex sells, so you’d better be sexy.

But let’s remember – these women have body guards and limos that take them everywhere and security and they get paid lots of money to dress like that. They aren’t doing you girls any favours…and we probably won’t get them to stop anytime soon…or can we?

You Have CHOICE
You have a lot of power because you have choice. If your favourite pop star all of a sudden starts wearing nothing but sexy clothes and starts acting in a way that you know is inappropriate – STOP buying her music! Write to her and let her know you aren’t impressed. Don’t copy her either! This goes for TV, movie stars and all the rest of them. DON’T get caught up in it and think you now have to do it to fit in. It’s you who will be fending off the leers and jeers of jerk guys who think it’s an invitation to approach you to impress their buddies. And if some guy tells you to dress more sexy – tell him to go date a movie star! He’s going to have to like you for who you are or you’ll find someone else who does. Trust me, you’ll find a guy who will (and he’ll be a nice guy).

All You Need to Do is Be Real
So, if you still want to dress in a more revealing way, only do so if you believe it is right for you and you feel Real doing it. You don’t deserve anything bad to happen to you and you’re smart enough to know if the way you present yourself is getting you the kind of attention and respect you want. GCDA accepts everyone, no matter how you look or what you believe.

~ Brian

Comment

jen

thanks for asking, here's an article to hopefully answer your questions: http://gcdamagazine.com/topics/boys/how-to-get-the-nice-guys

maria

@nice girl : to get a nice boy, just be you. know what you like and dont like, and dont sell yourself short. if you act yourself, and dont try too hard to be someone you're not, then you will end up meeting the boy you want.

nice girl

but this doesnt tell me what to do to get nice guys to notice me. it only tells me what i already no. but how do i get nice boys?