BOYFRIENDS 101

BOYS, December 2008, by Jenifer Merifield


BOYFRIENDS 101


Okay ladies, get comfy ‘cuz we’ve got some serious talking to do… about BOYS!

Put up your hand if you want a boyfriend. If you don’t want to make a scene just quietly say “woo”. Okay, so for all of you who said yes, I have a question for you… WHY??? Let me first qualify that I think having a boyfriend can be a great thing. But here’s the deal…. We never took a class or got instructions on ‘boyfriends’, so how in the world do we know what to do if we want one or what to do when we get one?

Any Good BF Role Models?
Let’s look at it this way: how many celebrity break-ups and relationship dramas are we bombarded with on TV and in magazines (other than GCDA, of course!)? And how many do we see that are positive and mutually respectful WITHOUT the drama? Exactly! Not half as many. So other than if you are lucky enough to have parents who have a great relationship to model for you, where are you supposed to learn from?

Should we look to TV to know when to have a boyfriend, when to kiss, how to behave, how to dress, what to say, how far we’ll let things go? Please say no!

Here is my theory – and just like anyone else’s advice or opinions, it’s up to you to decide what works best for you.

Listen to Your Heart
You have to do what feels ‘right’ for you’. It’s not about a specific age that you should do things by. ‘Ready’ is different for everyone, whether it be for when to have a boyfriend or when to do certain ‘things’. Some people are ready sooner or later than others and it comes down to following your own intuition and heart. Just because everyone else is doing something, doesn’t mean you should too, and it doesn’t even mean they should be either. Sometimes we THINK we’re ready for something and then we realize part way through that we’re not.

BF TIP
Never stay in a relationship you don't want to be in just because you don't want to hurt his feelings! And never get into one for that reason either!

If you want a boyfriend ask yourself why.
What do you want from one? What would make him the best boyfriend ever? How would he behave and treat you? And if you think there is no such fabulous person, then it just means there isn’t one right now. There will be, when it’s the right time. If you convince yourself that someone is fine for now and you settle for less just because you want a ‘boyfriend’ then you are telling yourself that you aren’t good enough for what you know is ‘right’ for you.

Fact: Why would anyone start dating someone or continue dating someone if it’s not a totally positive relationship? There is only one answer: low self esteem. That’s it, plain and simple. The less you love and believe in yourself, the less you will feel you deserve a great relationship… and sadly, the more you will accept being treated poorly. And that goes for relationships with your girlfriends too.

COOL FACT
If you want to know what a relationship with a guy will be like for you, take a look at the relationships you have with your friends and siblings. Yep, the way you treat them and the way you allow them to treat you is a great indication of how it will be with a BF.

Sometimes, when we don’t like things about ourselves, we look to others to make us feel worthy. Remember my first question: why do you want a boy friend? I asked that because if you really break it down, you may realize that what you really want is love, support, someone to have fun with, share secrets with and be close to. Those are things you can try developing more with your guy and girl ‘friends’ first and avoid the extra pressures of a BF.

But if you really do think you ARE ready, then remember that having a boyfriend requires responsibility. Mostly to yourself. Always say no when you mean no and listen to your intuition. Laugh a lot and don’t give up important things you already have, If you feel uncomfortable or that you are sacrificing homework, sleep or time with your friends just to talk on the phone or message a guy, it’s totally cool to say, “You know what, this is different than I thought it would be and I don’t think I’m ready for it.” If he truly cares he’ll understand. BFs should be fun, not serious. It will happen when the time is right!

~ Jenifer

Comment

Mackenzie 12 almost 13
I have a major crush on this guy and he is so mature for 13!! He is sooooo cute
anonymous
i like the bf tip, i never want to hurt someones feelings.
Mandy
OMG so true. I thought I was "ready" and I dated this guy and then I relized I didn't want to be dating him but I felt gilty and it was hard to break up.Mostly I just wanted a boyfriend bc every one else had one.
Megan
This article was pretty good, but I wish it had more stuff on what I think most girls would like to know, (Where to go on dates as younger teens...etc.). I have a boyfriend as of late July, and it is a long-distance thing. I really like him, and he likes me back, which is pretty obvious, cause we are dating. Haha. But because it is long-distance, and I dont drive yet, because im too young, I dont see him as much. We talk over the internet and phone, and I do see him sometimes, but I wish there was advice on that kind of thing. Thaaaanks so much. xo Megan <3

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