Serious Decisions - when are you ready?

BOYS, November 2007, by Jenifer Merifield


SERIOUS
DECISIONS
How do you really know
when you’re ready?


Isn’t it interesting how we go through phases of “I’ll never do that” in our lives?

Remember playing kissing tag in kindergarten or pre-school and thinking nothing of it, then going through a boys-are-yucky phase only a few short years later? How many times have we said “I’ll never...” about all kinds of things.

Well, apparently many of you are changing your minds about those yucky boys, and are reconsidering those “I nevers”.

The questions that have been coming in - at a pretty steady pace - are from girls aged 9 to 17. They range from: “... and I think I really like him. How old should I be before I be his girlfriend?”, to “How does a girl ask a guy out”, to “... then my friend said I was immature because we’ve been BF/GF for two weeks and we haven’t kissed... but should I?”, to “Do you think I should tell him I love him? He said he wants more. What do I do?”

Regardless of what the question is, the answer is all about making a decision... a very important one!

The ‘being ready’ part is THE MOST important part of making your final decision. You only have one chance to do something for the first time, and the first time of anything to do with boys should be special. You deserve nothing less.

Here are 5 things to make your serious decision-making easier:

GUT CHECK
Intuition, your gut feeling, whatever you want to call it, it’s there to send you important signals when your head can’t clearly decide. Some tell-tale signs that you may not be ready for something are: your heart races, temperature changes, you feel nervous or queasy, you’re unable to think clearly, or a combination of any of those.

Feeling physically uncertain may be a clear sign that waiting is a good idea. When you feel totally clear about something, the decision is easy and it feels right.

PROS and CONS
Make a list - even if it’s in your head - of the things that are ‘for sure’ good about saying yes and the things that are ‘I don’t think so’ bad about saying yes. The length of the cons list is a good indicator of whether a yes or no is in order.

DELIVERY
If you’re making a decision where another person asks you for something or to do something, consider their delivery. How did they ask you? Were they considerate and respectful? Did they pressure you if you said you weren’t sure? Were they rude or not nice? Did they say anything along the lines of “no one else has to know” or “it’ll be a secret”? (BTW, if someone ever says “do this, and we won’t tell anyone” ...tell. It’s not cool and you shouldn’t be a part of it.)

THE 3:24 RULE
This rule will get you out of any uncomfortable situation at any time if you make it your own personal rule. 3:24 represents 3 PEOPLE and 24 HOURS. You commit to yourself to talk to 3 people within the next 24 hours before making any big decision. Of those 3 people, try to make one of them an adult you trust (like a parent, teacher or coach) and one of them a person who has had to make that same decision. The other can be a good friend. This way, you will feel supported and informed, no matter what decision you make. It’ll help you to see more than one side and will relieve the pressure of deciding right away. Tell others you ALWAYS follow the 3:24 rule.

THEN WHAT
Consider the near future. What happens afterward if you say yes? Are there new expectations? Will anything change? Is there a possibility you may regret your decision? Whatever you decide, be ready for the rewards or consequences. If you are ready to say yes, you have to be ready for what it means later.

Making a big decision is a very personal thing, and something that can be pretty serious. Being ready is not about age, it’s about maturity. It’s about you deciding things because it’s right for you, not because of ‘everyone else’. We don’t always make the best decisions, and that helps to make us wise. But a lot of our decisions are good ones that change our life in a positive way.

So never say never, but never say yes if it’s not right for you.

~Jenifer

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