First Kiss, was it a mistake?

DEAR DIARY, February 2008, by Nada Adams

First Kiss…
was it a mistake?

Dear Diary,
I recently had my first kiss. At first I was really happy about it and now I’m getting really ashamed of what I did. Some people are starting to find out about it and I’m getting really embarrassed and I’m really not sure what to do... I can’t live scared all through high school... please HELP!
Signed, Kate, 14

Dear Kate,
Your first kiss is a very important kiss! It takes a lot of maturity to know when it’s the right time for you to take that step. Feeling shame about it tells me you may not have been ready.

Anything we do that makes us feel uneasy or any negative emotion tells us that something wasn’t right about it. The fact that you were initially happy about it means you may have been fine to start (it was exciting and something new), but other
people’s opinions and the responsibility afterward didn’t make you feel good. Have you ever had an extra big piece of pie or cake because it smelled good, tasted good and everyone else around you was enjoying it? Then after you ate the last bite your belly told you it wasn’t such a good decision? Your kissing experience may have been the same... you didn’t think about how you would feel afterward, you couldn’t resist.

Your peers are only teasingyou either because they wish to be in your shoes, brave enough to have the same experience, or because they don’t understand and it surprises them. So while those individuals are externally teasing you, deep down internally, they’re having their own feelings. In short, they aren’t really shaming you, you’re feeling uncertain and are choosing to feel the shame all on your own.

Consider your kissing experience as a learning one. If you kissed a person that you care about, just own what you did, let it be a good memory and move onward. If you choose to be ashamed and respond to your peers by letting them see you feeling ashamed, that will only give them more reason to continue teasing you. If you decide to respond that what you did is fine by you, they will soon forget and move on to tease someone else.

It’s important to know that kissing is an expression that can take on many forms of non-verbal communication: most commonly for showing affection. Others use it as an expression of acceptance for a family member. Some cultures greet by kissing on the hand, cheek or mouth.

Something that needs addressing here is that kissing is the first obvious step to physical intimacy and after you decide to start kissing, you may feel the urge or the pressure to go further. My support is for you to be very clear on where you draw the line. Consider these questions before the next time you decide to kiss again: What happens after the kiss? How will you feel? What will others say or think? Do you do more than kiss? Does the person you are kissing know that? Where will you draw the line and at what point will you stop? What happens if you get carried away? If you decide later that it wasn’t a good idea, will you both be fine with not kissing any more? Are you in love, really?

Personally, I don’t know what the rush is all about. Kissing is worth waiting for with someone you care about. For those of you who haven’t kissed someone before, don’t worry too much about it, the time will come for your first kiss and you only get your first time once… make it special. If it’s right, it should always be special and never leave you feeling ashamed or like you’ve done something wrong.

~Nada

Girls Can Do Anything Magazine

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