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July 2007 GCDA Magazine

Oh No...BFFs like the same guy!

DEAR DIARY, July 2007, by Nada Adams


Oh No!
...BFFs LIKE THE SAME GUY!!!


Dear Diary,
Oh my gosh, I’ve had a secret crush on this guy in grade 12 (I’m in grade 10), and I never told anyone, not even my best friend. I just found out that he is HER secret crush too! What do we do? We both like him so much. What if he likes her better? What if he likes me better? What will happen to our friendship? I’m so worried now that he’ll notice her before me and I’m feeling competitive with my best friend. We have an amazing friendship and we both don’t want to lose it for a guy. But this guy is so amazing. How do we decide what to do or who should go for him?
~Signed, two great girls, only one great guy, in London ON


Dear Two Great Girls,
What’s with all the secrets? No need for secrets as they give the illusion of feeling shame. What are you really afraid of? Having your heart feel the ignition of passion is quite special. Wouldn’t you rather just share your joy and excitement with those you love and trust that they will delight for you? Great guys and gals will be noticed and liked by many people simultaneously. So you and your friend having a crush on the same guy is quite common. 

I would support you to trust your friendship and share your feelings for this great guy with your best friend. Having feelings for someone and actually being in a relationship with them are 2 very different things. Consider this crush as a great opportunity to learn and grow emotionally with your best friend - and potentially this great guy - and not make this crush out to be more than it is at this point.   

Worry is a waste of valuable energy and drains your vitality and self confidence. While you are worrying, you could be enjoying life doing what you love or pursuing who and what you want. Whenever you catch yourself questioning ‘what if he likes my friend more?’ or ‘what will happen to my best friend’s friendship?’; try challenging all your insecurities and self-doubt by rephrasing your negative thoughts into the positive ones. Like, ‘what if he likes me more?’ or ‘what if my best friend and I find a common understanding and choose to be mature and stay friends for a lifetime?’  

I support you to always mentally come back to the present moment – not what happened last week or what might happen tomorrow. Live for today, share your feelings of today, and tomorrow will take care of itself. The reality in this situation is that one or neither of you will pursue this great guy. Do you want to be with someone you care about, who doesn’t really want to be with you but wants to be with your best friend? Wouldn’t it be better to know where you stand now with this guy instead of living the rest of your life wondering
what if? 

Trust yourself, your friendship and your heart to go after what you want, noticing what shows up in your life effortlessly. When opportunity knocks, open the door and step up to the plate!

~Nada

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