Sister Squabbles

ASK LORI AND LIANE, September 2008, by Liane Knoll-Kowk

 
Sister
Squabbles 


Dear Liane,
Why do me and my sister always fight? I try to be nice to her but when she is rude to me and is mean, I do it back because i get so angry. It's automatic to be that way. I truly try but I just can't do it!!
~Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,
You and your sister are ‘siblings’ and siblings are bound to have struggles! It’s just that sometimes the bad times seem more frequent than the good. You might even feel like you don’t like her sometimes. This is called sibling rivalry... like you’re in competition with her.

She might use your things without asking, embarrass you in front of her friends, or get better marks than you. She might roll her eyes at you, chew too loudly, or get more attention from your parents. Sound familiar? Maybe she’s bossy, reads your diary or purposefully gets you into trouble (my middle sister still complains about the time as kids when our oldest sister peed in her bed just to get her in trouble... EWWWW!).

Whatever it’s like for you, remember that some degree of sibling rivalry is normal and occurs in families all over the world. Being sisters doesn’t mean you’ll always agree, and when you’re frustrated or angry it can be easy to lose your temper and get into a fight!

When she’s rude to you, try taking a deep breath first. Count to 10 before snapping an insult back at her and giving in to that ‘automatic’ response you mentioned. Try using a calm approach, even if it doesn’t feel natural at first. It’s OK to tell your sister how you feel about what she’s said. Tell her you’re angry and why, but then leave it at that. Don’t get pulled into another argument because once you start hurling insults back and forth, you get caught in the “bickering-trap”. It’s hard not to have the last word.

Consider this relationship as practice for other important ones in the future! You may be lucky enough to have your BFF in your life forever, but the truth is, friends come and go. Sisters don’t. You’re with her for the rest of your life, like it or not, so make it a good one. It may be hard to believe now, but your sister may actually become one of your very best friends some day.

Keep your feet on the ground!
~ Liane


Comment

Tianna
I have fights with my sister all the time. Her advice is really good. Sister Squabbles is just something you have to live with. I share a room with my sister, so fights are in the air almost all the time. Best of luck!

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