He Dumped Me and Now I'm So Stressed!!

BOYS, July 2007, by Jenifer Merifield

He DUMPED me
and now
I'm so STRESSED!!

Dear Jenifer,
I'm completely stressed out and confused. My ex-boyfriends is always on my mind, and even though he broke up with me months ago I can't stop missing him! And whenever I see him, we always flirts, so I'm confused. I don't know if he likes me or not... but if he does like me, he wouldn't have dumped me, would he? And I'm really stressed because I spend all my time thinking of him, and not concentrating on school or my life like I should be. It's like he's taken over my life and I don't know how to direct my attention elsewhere. Its like I'm a puppet being controlled by him and I don't know how to regain control over my life. I'm sure he doesn't think about me the way I think about him, so why am I obsessing over him so much?
What do I do?
~Signed, 15 and Confused

Dear Confused,
Is it actually him you miss or is it possible that you miss being in a relationship? Sometimes when we are lonely or lacking attention from other areas of our life, we convince ourselves that something not good for us, is good for us. What was it about being his GF that was good...having someone to talk to? Being told nice things about you? Feeling like you belong somewhere? Having someone to hang out with? Feeling loved?

The reason I ask is so we can find ways for you to feel great about yourself without him. My guess is that if you can get control of your life back... school, friends, family... you'll realize that it's not him you are obsessing over, but instead, it's your need to have things in your life that you are proud of and can feel good about. No one can 'make' you feel anyway you don't want to feel. That's the coolest part. You get to choose, so choose girl! Choose to move on. Choose to stop flirting and wondering 'if'. Choose to do your best with school. Think about it... when he and all your friends graduate, what will anyone be able to do for you if you fail your classes or don't get good enough grades to go where you want to go? And will they care? Maybe. But not as much as they will care about taking care of themselves.

It's easy to get lost in the moment, then before you know it, days and weeks have gone by, maybe even months. You can absolutely turn this around. Be on fire with your attitude to succeed. Don't let a guy or anything else stop you from what is good for you. When you take care of yourself, you will attract awesome people into your life that will have positive attitudes and be the best friends you'll ever have. You will find more opportunities poppuing up at every corner and you will find that the guys who crush on you are the sweetest apples from the top of the trees ;)

On the other hand, you can continue being 'really stressed' and 'obsessed not thinking about anything else' in your life, and then what? You'll either get poor grades or you'll flunk some classes. Will summer school make you happy? Not likely. What kind of people will you hang with? Fun optimistic ones who are happy and have tons of fun? Or gloomy people who are stressed and depressed? You get what I'm saying. CHOOSE! If you start now you can have everything you dreamed of, but the longer you wait, the further away that will always be. Tell yourself 100 times a day "Good things happen to me, I am worth it!"

~Jenifer

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