DATING: 10 Do's and Don'ts of Having a Boyfriend

BOYS, November 2009, by Jenifer Merifield


DATING...
10 Do's and Don'ts of Having a Boyfriend


Elisa, 13 writes: “The guy I have crushed on since grade 3 wants to be my BF and now I’m freaking out! I want to but then I started thinking when I say yes, what happens? What do we do? Where do we go? What do I say? How do I act? HELPPPPP!”

Vic, 15 writes: “What do you do on a date with a guy?”

Joanna, 12 writes: “Can I have a boyfriend without having to kiss?”


What is dating all about anyway?
Well, if you go by what most TV shows portray, then it’s all about DRAMA, betrayal and sad endings!

In real life, it doesn’t have to be that way. Besides, what’s the purpose to having a BF if it’s not to spend time with someone you LIKE, who LIKES YOU back. Someone you have stuff in common with, who you can laugh with and make each other feel good about who you are. Who needs the drama and the heartache? Just watch TV for that!

TOP 10

1. DO talk and laugh a lot! Why date someone who you feel awkward around? A great date feels natural like best friends hanging out.

2. DON’T always do only what he wants to do or always only do what you want to do! It’s great to support his team or support the fact that he loves to play video games, but your interests are important too. Find out what he likes to do, what you like to do, and then choose the things that you BOTH like. The other stuff is perfect for spending time separate with your friends. Extra DON’T: don’t give up your friends for a guy… ever!

3. DO make plans. Say for instance you want to hang out together after school for a couple hours, PLAN AHEAD. Decide what you’ll do so you don’t end up just hanging around somewhere doing nothing, feeling awkward and stuck for 2 hours because that’s how long you said you had. If you can’t think of anything, just plan to walk home together and you can talk on the way.

4. DON’T ignore your gut when you are feeling uncomfortable or awkward! If you’re in an awkward silence or situation and you want to leave, say so! Don’t ignore your inner feelings. If you’re not sure what to say, tell him you have to go to the bathroom, or you totally forgot you had to be home for something, or you suddenly don’t feel good.

5. DO go out with groups of people! It’s less pressure when it’s not just the 2 of you. You can interact with him and your friends and have fun as a group.

6. DON’T ignore everyone else! When you are with other people, don’t be stuck together every second like you forgot how to socialize. You can talk on the phone or text each other later if you need to talk privately. When you’re with other people, BE with everyone.

7. DO have other friends that are guys and be happy that he has other friends that are girls! It keeps it real and is totally normal. Don’t give up your guy friends for a BF and don’t ask him to give up his GFs. Jealousy is TV drama, yucky. If he acts inappropriately with other girls, instead of getting all jealous and starting a giant drama, just stop dating him and wait for a guy who can be to you the way you are to him. Expect nothing less than how much you respect him. There is a saying that goes something like: “no one can treat you any worse than you believe you deserve to be treated”. So believe you deserve the BEST of everything.

8. DON’T kiss out of boredom! You may be completely “ahhhhhhhhh” over this guy, and you may get butterflies and a goofy perma-grin every time you’re around him, but  as my grandmother would say “keep your head about you, girl!”. In other words, don’t do something in the moment that you may regret later because your mind is in la-la-land. Often what happens is you create a new habit… you’re hanging out, there’s nothing to do, you kiss. Next time, same thing, next time, same thing, next time, same thing. Then one time you feel like all he wants to do is kiss so you say “why don’t we go and do something instead?”. But he’s perfectly happy with the way things have been going. Frustration, regret, awkward!

9. DO create good habits from the very beginning! Keep your phone calls semi-short, don’t return texts past a certain time, don’t be super-duper-out-of-your-way-extra nice non-stop, don’t ditch your friends whenever he calls. When you have a BF for the first time, you could talk to him all day, you want to text all night, your friends seem a little less important and all you see in him is the GOOD stuff. Then reality hits and you may start to realize there are little things about him that annoy you… you wish he didn’t expect you to text him so late and he doesn’t understand why you now want to spend more time with your friends! If you create unrealistic habits in the beginning, you can’t expect him to understand if you change your mind down the road. Be yourself, don’t act or exaggerate… you’ll appreciate and respect each other’s boundaries and  feel like you are still you!

10. DO do fun things! (Did I just say do-do? lol) Go for walks or walk your dogs, study together, volunteer for a committee together, go to each other’s sports games, plan group activities like concerts/outdoor events, take little siblings to the park, go swimming or tobogganing. Having a boyfriend as a teen shouldn’t be sooo serious and full of DRAMA! If you really want a 'boyfriend' don't forget the FRIEND part.

Oh, and to answer Joanna's question: no, you don't HAVE to kiss. You don't HAVE to do anything you don't want to do on a date, ever. Just be yourself. Ignore the TV shows where girls ACT when they're with boys. If a boy likes you he likes YOU, not someone else you think you 'should' be by becoming a girlfriend.

~ Jenifer


Comment

Lanie: Amazing Help1
Wow this is great. Even though I don't have aboyfriend this is advice I would give to my friends.
good one
I know it can be so akward. Me and my bf mostly text and just see each other at school. i agree with #9... sooo true! we texted ALL the time and now it feels like such a waste of time, like i have a life too ya know. lol oh + i'M still to scared to kiss so i avoid it lol lol

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