More Ask Lori and Liane
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- Down There
- What is WRONG with me? I JUST CAN'T SLEEP!
- How do siblings stop fighting and start getting along?
- Bad Driving
- Splish Splash, time for a bath?
- The Truth about Marijuana
- Just Tired and Sad? Or is it Depression?
- An Awkward Topic
- Sister Squabbles
- Sweating and smelly, what's a girl to do?
- Boys on the Brain!
- Family Break-ups
- Understanding Cancer
- BROTHERS: why do some bully?
- Girl Talk - PERIODS
- Sisters - same genes, just not the same 'jeans'
- Sometimes I really DON'T LIKE my Mom!
- How Come I'm Not Allowed?
July 2008 Blogs
- Real Girl: Amelia
- READER OPINIONS: Why do guys/girls fight the way they do?
- What colours mean - Gold
- Smoking - Making the Big Decision
- The Classics
- Day 26, R&B/Urban
- Boys on the Brain!
- MOODS - Stopping Depression Before it Starts
- Is losing weight the answer?
- Give Yourself Credit
- Twilight, by Stephenie Meyer
- What Makes You Beautiful? July 2008
Boys on the Brain!
ASK LORI and LIANE, July 2008, by Lori Clemente and Liane Knoll-Kowk
BOYS on
the Brain!
How do we get a grip?
Dear Lori and Liane... I’ve always been a good student, in the 80’s or better. And school is really important to me. I’m in grade 9 this year and all of a sudden I feel like I can’t concentrate. It’s BOYS! I don’t have a boyfriend, and my Mom would so kill me if I did, but there are all these guys that weren’t there in public school and they’re cute and nice and want to talk to me. So I’m all nervous and not ready for a boyfriend or anything, but classes are going by and at the end I feel like I wasn’t paying attention because I was in my head dreaming about guys. Am I getting dumb, is my brain melting (LOL), should I see a doctor? Please help before I get my first F!
~Signed Tab, 13, Winnipeg MB
Dear Tab,
LORI: No, you don’t need to see a doctor. No, your brain is not melting and of course you are not getting dumb. What you are going through is very largely related to hormones. Yup, they’ll get you every time. You have likely always felt stronger attraction to one person over another all of your life. Even my 5 year old daughter feels more chemistry and attraction to certain people. But then13 hits and it’s totally different!
LIANE: It’s very normal. It sounds like you’ve been exposed to a whole new set of peers… boys, boys, everywhere! It’s fun to daydream and fantasize. Fantasies are yours and the fun thing about them is you can take them where ever you like and nobody has to know about them.
LORI: It’s been said that those feelings are what addiction is like. There are even clinical words to describe what you are experiencing: ‘Obsession’- just can’t think about anything else, even if you’d like to; or ‘Intrusive thoughts’ - things you keep thinking about that you’d rather not think about. It’s powerful as you know, and may feel hard to be in control of.
LIANE: You can have too much of a good thing though. If your parents and teachers are consistently asking you to join them on planet earth and are snapping their fingers in front of your face to get your attention, then this is definitely something you’re going to have to learn to limit.
LORI: Although the attention you get from boys can feel really good, it can also be scary. It can affect your confidence positively or negatively. Remember to stay grounded during this time. That means do what feels good and stay true to who you are. Something that has the power to put you on Cloud 9 also has the power to make you feel really low. Don’t give anything or anyone that much power over you.
LIANE: Maintain your girl friendships, even if you are tempted to hang out more with a new guy. Keep up the activities that you have always loved like sports, dance, art or music. Don’t be pressured to give those things up to hang out with new people. It’s your passion in the activities you love that will always make you an interesting person that people want to get to know.
When you notice your thoughts starting to wandering, tell yourself to STOP! Tap your temple gently and then focus your attention back to where you want it to be. Each time it wanders, do it again. Read the ‘Study Tips’ article in last issue’s magazine and reward yourself with your favorite treat if you manage to stay on task during class time.
LORI: Try also to communicate as much as you can with your parents. They may sense that something has changed in you. You may be dreamy or really distracted. You may be surprised at the kind of insight they can provide, because believe it or not they have been through a lot of the same stuff. Yup-even with boys.
LIANE: Another suggestion would be to save your dreaming for a more appropriate time. Many people with a healthy appetite for fantasies love to save them up for when they hit the hay at night. When those amazing thoughts pop in your head during a boring class, make a note to remember them and save them for bedtime when you won’t be interrupted. Then let your imagination soar. So Tab, don’t stop dreaming, just do it at the right time.
LORI: Enjoy these new feelings. Remember that EVERYONE goes through it. Just do your best to focus in class, if school is really important to you, you will do just fine.
LIANE: You’re lucky to be so good at daydreaming - it is a very unique and valuable skill you can harness and use in a lot of ways. If you’re good at daydreaming then you’re probably a creative thinker with a great imagination… sweet dreams!
Be Strong!
~ Lori
keep your feet on the ground!
~ Liane