I tried smoking. Now how do I say no?

Dear Diary, June 2007, by Nada Adams

I tried SMOKING,
now how do I say NO?

Dear Diary,
I always said I would NEVER smoke. It’s disgusting and smelly and makes people’s mouths yellow. Well, I had a cigarette two days ago. I’m only in grade 7. My friends brought some to school and we went behind the shed after and even though I didn’t want to, I felt stupid because everyone else was. I know that’s dumb and peer pressure, but I was so stressed out. I thought if I just have one and then I could say no next time. So well, they brought more the next day and it was even harder to say no. Everyone was laughing and having fun, and it was kind of exciting to be sneaky knowing we shouldn’t be doing it. I’m afraid I’m addicted now. I’m thinking about doing it again, but I also want to pretend I’m sick and not go to school so I won’t be pressured to smoke again. They kind of are making me because if I don’t I’ll be such a loser. What should I do?
~ Signed, never say never in Montreal QC

Dear Never Say Never,
I completely relate, peer pressure can be quite challenging and the affects of it could potentially become more serious with age. What will you do in a few years if your friends are sexually active; are you going to cave in too, just to fit in? If your friends are having babies, doing drugs and quitting school, will you do the same?

Where do you draw the line around peer pressure? How much will you allow other people’s opinions influence your life and values?

Let’s define Peer Pressure: it is simply peers influencing your life. This can either be positive or negative. Like the difference between watching a movie from your friend’s recommendation or having a cigarette because everyone else is. Most people associate a negative meaning to peer pressure. Have you heard the saying, “Tell me who your friends are, so I can tell you who you are.”? This saying is a clear indication that we become like our friends – of course, that can either be positive or negative.

So why do we give in to peer pressure when we know it’s not good for us? Most kids do because they want to be liked, to fit in, or maybe they worry that other kids may make fun of them if they don’t go along with the group. Just know that you are not alone. If you hang around peers who are honour role, athletic, respectful and eat healthy, chances are you will be influenced to do the same. However, if you hang around peers who are aggressive, skip school and shoplift, that will also have an impact on who you are. Remember to use your judgment and common sense.

Find another friend in your crowd that feels the same way about smoking as you do, and together when confronted the next time by your peers of smokers, you will feel more empowered and confident saying ‘no’. You may also consider joining an after-school club, sport or activity you enjoy. You won’t need to say ‘no’ directly to your current friends because you’ll have something better to do instead.

Remember, you always have a choice. No one is “making” you do anything. And even though you find it a bit exciting to be doing something sneaky, I can tell from your letter that you know deep down it’s not right for you. Do you really believe that YOU are the loser if you don’t smoke? The more you practice standing up for what you believe in, the more confident you will become. Remember, it takes more courage to stand up for what you believe in, than to be a follower of the herd.

To read more on peer pressure check out www.kidshealth.org. You’re a smart girl to be asking this question. I acknowledge you for caring enough about yourself to seek assistance and guidance. With confidence and self-esteem, you will achieve wonders in life... but first you must be willing to say ‘no’!

~ Nada

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