Girlfriends - What you say is what you are

GIRLFRIENDS, July 2007, by Jenifer Merifield

WHAT YOU
SAY IS
WHAT YOU ARE

A lot of letters come in from readers about self-esteem issues; Girls who don’t believe in themselves. Girls who feel like failures. Girls who are afraid to change or take chances because they don’t believe in themselves.

Good news is, you’re not alone. More good news is, there is a simple way to start to bring positive things into your life FAST!

This cool technique works for everyone, so regardless of the exact thing or reason you are feeling down, this will work for you too.

I was walking through a school yard one time when I heard a couple of kindergarteners having it out! “You stupid!” said the first, “Oh yeah, well what you say is what you are!” said the other. And off they bolted in two different directions, one turning back to stick out her tongue.

As cute as it seems to us when 5 year olds argue, like the girl with the two high ponytails one protruding from either side of her head, or the boy with the chubby cheeks trying to make his voice sound much deeper and grown up than it is; there is a lot more wisdom in their simple cliché phrases like “What you say is what you are!” than we may give credit to.

As We Grow Up
As we get older and enter into our teens, something called negative self-talk sadly becomes an almost natural part of who we are. How many times have you said or thought: “that’s just the way I am”, “I’ve never been good at that”, “I can’t”, “it’s not my thing”, or “I hate my----- ” fill in the blank.

All that negative self-talk starts to become our realities. We say we can’t, so we don’t. We psych ourselves up for failure – “I don’t get this, I’m so going to fail my test/exam” – and that is exactly what happens.

Good Things Happen to Some
Ever notice that there are some people who just seem to have it made? They get good marks, good things happen to them, they find money or win things, maybe they are popular and have a lot of friends. People like that have a belief system where ‘can’t’ and ‘don’t’ just aren’t options. They believe they are likeable, they aren’t surprised when they keep winning things. These people say things like “I always win stuff”, “I have tons of friends”, “Good marks have always come easily to me”. They are attracting positive situations, people and things into their lives because that’s what they are ‘putting out there’.

Whatever you ‘put out there’ is what you will attract. If you’re negative and grouchy, you’re going to encounter more negative things that make you grouchy. If you’re positive and optimistic that good things will happen, then guess what? Good things will happen.

Changing Habits
It’s been said that it takes about 3 weeks, or 21 days, to create a new habit. That means you are only 3 weeks away to having great things happen for you without having to try super hard. For three weeks you’ll have to catch yourself and consciously change your self talk, and soon, it will just be natural.

Remember this phrase: ‘like attracts like’. When you’re thinking “I can’t”, know that you will attract “I can’t”. Change I can’t to “I can”, or “I’m going to”, and watch how things become easier and how you actually CAN do the things you originally thought you couldn’t. There’s a cool phrase by Henry Ford that goes: “if you think you can or if you think you can’t, you’re right.” Absorb that for a little while… you can do anything, you just have to believe it and take the steps to start the action.

THE FLICK TECHNIQUE:
Here’s a great way to create your new habit of positive self-talk. A good friend told me about it a few years ago, and I have since seen it used in empowerment seminars.

Take out your ponytail holder and put it around your wrist. Try to get one that is not too tight on your skin. You should be able to move it around just by wiggling your hand. Now, every time you catch yourself saying or thinking something negative, give yourself a little flick! Ouch, stings a bit, huh? Don’t spaz out about it or anything, just enough of a flick so you feel it. The point is this: every time you say or think something negative and you flick the ponytail holder, you will associate negativity with the discomfort. Then you right away replace that thought or phrase with something positive. Soon, you will find yourself automatically saying and thinking positive things instead of negative ones, for two reasons… 1. because you don’t want to be stung by the elastic, and 2. because being positive feels good! It’s empowering and you will start to see amazing changes in your life.

Just so you know, in the first few days there will be a lot of flicking. It’s a great experiment, and you’ll be surprised how much negativity goes on in your mind. You’ll also become aware of the other people around you and who are more positive than others.

Here are some exmaples to get you started:

If you say or think this:	Flick, and then say or think this instead:
I can’t .	I can.
I’m ugly.	I’m me and I love who I am. There is a lot that is beautiful about me.
I could never do that.	I can do anything I want and try to do.
I could never be able to.	I do well at ______ when I try.
I hate my _______ (height, weight, hair, etc.)	My (height, weight, hair,etc.) is a part of me, and I love me.
That’s just the way I am.	That’s the way I thought I used to be. I can be any way I want to be.
I hate studying, I suck at it.	Studying is easy for me. I’m good at it.
Rainy days are gloomy.	I love rainy days, I feel great!
I’ll try.	I will.
I don’t want to get up.	Today is going to be an awesome day. I want to get up and start it.
I/we can’t afford it.	Money flows easily to me, I choose to or choose not to buy it.
I’m afraid that	Fear doesn’t stop me. I can do and be anything. Other people have done it and so can I.

Girls Can Do Anything Magazine

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Girlfriends - What you say is what you are

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