When Joking Isn't Funny

BODY IMAGE & EATING DISORDERS, October 2009, by Jen Charbonneau

When Joking Isn't Funny

Dear Jen,
My dad makes fun of me and calls me 'jelly belly'. I know he's kidding but it really hurts my feelings. I got a little belly but my best friend said it’s really nothing and my dad's just old-fashioned. He jokes a lot and when I say, “don't”, he smiles and says, “you know I'm just playing”.
~ NOT jelly-belly - Rogers, Arkansas

Dear NOT jelly-belly,

Thank you for having the courage to write in to me. I almost wanted to begin with “Dear Beautiful Belly”.

I have to admit I was a little sad when I read your letter. Sad, because it’s one thing when young girls have to deal with people at school calling them names or teasing them but it’s quite another when that teasing is coming from someone so close to you.

I sometimes think that adults don’t realize how much their words can hurt, even when they say they’re just kidding.

My suggestion to you would be to ask your dad if the two of you could sit down and talk sometime. That way you have a chance to prepare what you want to say and you both have enough time so you don’t feel rushed AND you have your dad’s full attention.

Explain to him that even though he says he doesn’t mean it when he calls you 'jelly belly', it hurts you more than he could know. It’s important that you ask him to stop.

Sometimes dads are unsure how to handle their growing, changing and maturing daughters and his teasing might be his way of dealing with his own feelings about you growing up.

Sometimes dads and daughters just need to have some really good talks and you both need to be open-minded and sensitive to each other’s feelings.

If you don’t think you could talk to him about this then sit down and write him a letter. Include all of your feelings and let him know that as a young girl living in a world where many girls (and women) measure their self worth based on an impossible standard of beauty, it’s hard to have her dad making negative comments about her body. Explain to him that you want him to think you are beautiful just the way you are.

I think if you are able to really communicate your feelings to him (maybe even show him this letter), he will see how his words are more hurtful and harmful than funny.

The other thing I want to share with you is the idea that a woman’s belly is a symbol of our femininity. That means we have this beautiful and special ability to carry, nourish and give birth to another human being. Our belly is perfectly designed to give us this unique and POWERFUL opportunity.

I know you are too young to be thinking about this right now but I want you to realize that despite what society says, despite what teasers say, despite what fashion magazines say, a woman’s belly, no matter how big or small, can represent a beautiful part of her feminine power.

Your body is growing and changing EXACTLY the way it should and even when others make negative comments, it’s important for you to know that there’s more to you than just one body part.

~ Jen

Comment

Kiana

I agree with you Jen. There are so many girls out there that get made fun of all the time. We should feel good about our bodies, because it is the one thing no one in the world has the same of. I love your magazine because it is so powerful and it gives young adults like me, (I'm almost 14), some good advice! Keep at it!