More Ask Lori and Liane
- PMS What is it and do you have it?
- Down There
- What is WRONG with me? I JUST CAN'T SLEEP!
- How do siblings stop fighting and start getting along?
- Bad Driving
- Splish Splash, time for a bath?
- The Truth about Marijuana
- Just Tired and Sad? Or is it Depression?
- An Awkward Topic
- Sister Squabbles
- Sweating and smelly, what's a girl to do?
- Boys on the Brain!
- Family Break-ups
- Understanding Cancer
- BROTHERS: why do some bully?
- Girl Talk - PERIODS
- Sisters - same genes, just not the same 'jeans'
- Sometimes I really DON'T LIKE my Mom!
- How Come I'm Not Allowed?
June 2007 Blogs
- Real Girl - Emily
- I tried smoking. Now how do I say no?
- What Colours Mean - Yellow
- Junk Drawer Syndrome! clear the clutter
- Sometimes I really DON'T LIKE my Mom!
- Struggle for Identity - being a young woman during the times of the Renaissance
- Ask a Guy - ask a girl out, getting ready in the morning, are fashion models perfect, girlfriend preferences
- Not all FATS are created equal!
- Body Image - Am I Good Enough?
- How Can I Feel Better and Get His Attention?
- Inspirtational Girls and Women - Silken Laumann
- Summer's here...NOW SHOW ME THE MONEY!
- A Summer to Remember
- Forever in Blue: The Fourth Summer of the Sisterhood
- Ecological Footprint... how big is YOURS?
- Career Watch - Personal Trainer
- Be your own Goddess - Bast
- Rowing
Sometimes I really DON'T LIKE my Mom!
ASK LORI AND LIANE, June 2007, Liane Knoll-Kowk
Sometimes I really
DON’T LIKE my Mom!
Dear Liane,
Sometimes I feel like I REALLY don’t like my mother. She totally doesn’t understand me and it feels like she doesn’t listen to me or respect my opinions. It’s weird... sometimes I really want to be around her like when I was little, but other times, she’s the last person I want to talk to. She used to be a lot of fun, now were fighting so much. Sometimes I don’t think she really likes me all that much either.
~ Signed Frustrated Daughter
Dear Frustrated,
Good news! You and your Mom are going through something that is TOTALLY normal. It actually is a part of growing up. There’s even a name for it…it’s called “individuation”. You’re becoming your own person with valuable opinions, beliefs and behaviours. You’re not completely dependent on your Mom anymore even though you still need her. Ten bucks says your Mom went through a similar stage with her Mom! Your Mom is likely confused by this, too. She’s excited that you’re maturing and is proud that you can handle more responsibilities, but it’s very hard for her to let her little girl grow up and trust that she will be OK.
Knowing this doesn’t make it any easier though, does it? On the one hand, your Mom wants you to act in a mature fashion and behave responsibly. On the other hand, she’s still the boss and well, the truth of the matter is, for now, she calls the shots. Both you and your Mom are learning together how to deal with a relationship that is changing on so many different levels.
As much as you want her to understand you, try your best to understand her as well. She likely has a lot going on that’s distracting in her life too, and she probably feels the same tension between the two of you that you do. So you may think she’s old-fashioned or not “up with the times”, but she is who she is, and with patience and compassion, you can help her to better see your views.
So… some things that you can do. First of all, sometimes timing is everything. If you want to talk to your Mom about something important, choose an opportunity when she can give you her full attention. A bad time is when everyone is rushing around trying to get supper ready, and get off to music lessons or practice. A good time might be when everyone is winding down for the evening and you have a few quiet moments alone like in the car on the way home, or before bed.
Voice tone is also important and so is your body language. Tell your Mom you need to talk to her about something important. Try not to roll your eyes at her, raise your voice or interrupt. Give her a chance to have her say and when she’s done, take your turn. Your Mom will likely be impressed with your approach, and may respect your opinions more if you deliver them in a respectful manner.
Lastly, don’t forget the little things that make relationships special. Sometimes all a Mom needs is a quick hug or a little note that reminds her you love her. You need those reminders too, so here’s another suggestion… how about you cut this article out and put it under her pillow? Your Mom will likely feel relieved that you cared enough about your relationship with her to make the effort to initiate a conversation with her.
Growing up can be exciting and scary all at the same time. Don’t do it alone. Remember, even though it may be hard to believe, your Mom was once your age, too. You’re a different person than her, but chances are, she’s trying to protect you from some of the things she saw or went through when she was your age. You won’t always agree and you may feel like you don’t even like each other some of the time, and that’s perfectly normal because relationships are like that!
Good luck, and keep your feet on the ground!
~ Liane