More Body Image & Eating Disorders Blogs
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- Speak out on Gratitude
- Body Image - Speak Out On the MEDIA
- Speak Out on Body Image
- Secret Dieting - What if your period stops?
- When Joking Isn't Funny
- My Legs Are TOO SHORT
- Junk Food Makes Me Feel GUILTY!
- Winning Against an Eating Disorder - true story
- We hate being JUDGED, ...but do WE do it too?
- HELP! My Friend thinks she is FAT!
- Just Tired and Sad? Or is it Depression?
- Do I look FAT today?
- Body Image + Eating Disorders - It hurts the whole family...
- Dealing with Being Teased
- Is losing weight the answer?
- I Want to Be Pretty Too
May 2009 Blogs
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- Let's Talk BRAS
- We hate being JUDGED, ...but do WE do it too?
- Splish Splash, time for a bath?
- Turning a Challenge into a SUCCESS!
- Fencing, en garde!
- Elemental Connections Part 4 of 4: AIR
- Ask a Girl - sneaky thing, change a law, allergies, slang
- Ask a Guy - sneaky thing, change a law, allergies, slang
- Sniff, sniff... bad breath and B.O.
- Focus on HABITS
We hate being JUDGED, ...but do WE do it too?
BODY IMAGE & EATING DISORDERS, May 2009, by Jen Charbonneau
We hate being JUDGED,
...but do WE do it too?
Dear Jen,
My friends and I wanted to point something out and see if you wanted to contribute to it to the magazine. Here's what happened. We met at my house to get ready for the dance (we're in grade 11). We did our hair and makeup, you know, we were helping each other look as good as possible. So then we went to the dance, we had fun, gossiped, danced and came back. That's when we sat around in our pjs and made mean comments about other girls at the dance, you know, like about their looks and stuff. We also got into how guys judged us unfairly and we got kind of mad about it. But then someone pointed out that we do the EXACT SAME THING about them. We spend hours trying to look perfect, then we go and judge everyone else including ourselves, and then we gossip about how it's all unfair, plus we're all judgemental about who we would go out with. So we totally noticed that we had WAY more fun and did WAY less judging when we sat around my room in our jammies with no makeup on because we weren't trying so hard. So we thought that maybe if girls figured this out younger than us that it would be easier to change and not judge so much!
- BFFs in Saskatoon SK
Dear BFFs,
Wow, what a great insight you had. I want to praise the friend who had the courage to speak up in your group and point out that you were doing exactly the same thing that you were all complaining about. That certainly took courage but also brings up a great point.
So many of us can spend lots of time and energy pointing out other people’s flaws. It seems easy when we can point fingers and judge others. The not so easy part is when the finger is being pointed at us and we feel angry about it. Good for you guys for figuring that part out and then suggesting that if younger girls could figure this out early, then maybe it would be easier for them to change or not develop those judgments in the first place.
Do you realize what great role models you are just by figuring this scenario out and then by taking action to write the letter to GCDA suggesting we help younger girls? I know you know this, but a role model is somebody you look up to or admire. A role model has unique qualities that you really connect with. So very often, young girls get confused about what makes a good role model and this can lead them in directions that aren’t helpful for building self esteem. So thank you for wanting to help younger girls understand that judging themselves and others is really not as much fun as hanging out with girlfriends.
Isn’t it the truth that we as girls and women spend countless hours trying to look a certain way only to feel judged; either by others or ourselves. Those hours of time, energy (& even money) all boil down to, “I wonder what so and so will think of me tonight?”. And then we’re downright mad when we don’t get the response we want. So who are we trying to be beautiful for? Them or us? It’s hard to say sometimes, isn’t it?
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m all for wanting to look nice, having a great hair day and wearing flattering clothes, as long as you are doing it for reasons of self appreciation and self love and not because you don’t feel good enough.
You mention that things are way more fun when you’re not trying so hard. I think that girls and women of all ages have to be more aware of who they are trying so hard for. And if it’s not for ourselves, then is it worth it?
If you really think about it, is a guy who only likes you for the way you look a guy that you want to be with? That seems kind of superficial. I know some guys make judgments about girls based on the media messages they receive and we think that’s wrong. But if we dress a certain way to support the media message, are we also wrong? Despite what so many girls and women think, many guys don’t consider a girl’s appearance to be the most important thing in a relationship. Yet we spend HOURS trying so hard to meet unrealistic expectations.
Beauty is the freedom and power to present yourself in perfect harmony with who you really are. In other words, each of you is beautiful when you are sitting around in your jammies, without make up, talking about life and fun and dreams. You don’t even have to try to fit in because you just do. True friends love you because you are you. They accept you regardless of how long your hair is or what color your lip gloss is. They accept you even if you aren't the best basketball player on the team. True friends believe in you even when you are having a hard time believing in yourself and true friends aren’t afraid to point out things in conversation that just might help younger girls! When you are doing what you love nothing could be more beautiful, and it has nothing to do with your mascara….
You Go Girls!
Sincerely,
~ Jen