What Are YOU Meant to Do?

INSPIRATIONAL GIRLS, September 2009, by Jenifer Merifield

The Story of a Girl and Her Struggles to Find What She Was Meant To Do
...and realizing it was all worth it!

Meet Alethia Bundy. She hasn’t actually started her career yet, but she knows what she wants and is in the (sometimes grueling) process of getting there!

“It’s about the journey,” says Alethia, of Ajax Ontario. “If my goal was simply to graduate, I don’t think I’d make it. You have to want the experience along the way. It’s what makes you who you are in the world.”

Coming from someone who looks back to grade 12 and remembers how daunting it was to think she had 7 MORE YEARS of school to accomplish her dream of becoming a lawyer, she’s now 21 and is pleased that she’s almost halfway there!

You all know we’re all about being ‘Real’ here at GCDA, well read on because Alethia couldn’t be more real. If nothing else has motivated you to follow your heart and make your dreams come true, this girl will.

Just like most teenagers, Alethia 'butt heads' with her mom as a teen. “It seemed like she just didn’t understand me or what I was going through in life. She drove me crazy. She was strict and always talking about what was wrong and right.”

For those of you near Toronto, Ontario, in Canada, you know that Scarborough has a bit of a bad rap about being a rough neighbourhood, at least parts of it do. Funny thing is that Alethia hung out with the nerdy kids when she lived there and it wasn’t until her family moved east where she was introduced to some of the wilder things kids were up to in their teens. “When I was in grade 8 my family and I moved. Although it was only 20 minutes east of Scarborough, it was a total culture shock for me. The ‘extra-curricular activities’ were definitely scarier than anything I knew about.”

With her spare time being spent in music and sports, it was quite an eye opener in her new school to meet kids that were into drinking and having sexual experiences at age 13. The more she got to know these kids the more she understood about WHY they were doing what they were doing.

“There was this one girl who was into everything with guys and had been for a while. She confided in me that she just did it to fit in. I couldn’t believe she didn’t see that the people she wanted to fit in with treated her badly until they wanted something from her. She was insecure and she didn’t know how to be liked for her.”

“Thankfully I never was convinced to do stupid things. I was normal and I wanted to fit in like everyone else. Being happy with myself just the way I am was the hardest thing, but my attitude was that I don’t NEED to be your friend in spite of my true self. The funny thing is, EVERYONE liked me. I was me and I wasn’t trying to please anyone. I was nice, I was funny and I didn’t try too hard.”

If you knew Alethia at school, you may have thought she had it all… what with her positive personality it was like she had no problems like other kids did. Well, you would be wrong. She had her share of struggles, just like everyone else.

Alethia lived with lots of sacrifices, and lots of people at home. There were 11 of them living under one roof! It was Alethia, her two brothers, one sister, two aunts, two grandparents, her parents and a renter! “Every once in a while someone else would come to live with us for a while. Once it was our hairdresser and her kid!”

Privacy wasn’t something Alethia had very much of. That’s not easy when you’re a teenager, especially a girl. “I was the youngest. I was never alone.”

Her parents worked hard and supported the whole family, and even supported some family back home in Jamaica where they had immigrated from years before.

“They both worked in a factory. My dad went back to school, but they still worked their day jobs, then another job and a job on the weekend. They believed that they would work hard so that me and my siblings could get further ahead. That’s what we do in my culture.”

“Even though they paid for so many things, they still put us in music at an early age. The TDSB (Toronto District School Board) was a fantastic help when we got a little older because they offered music lessons from grade 5 and up. I played trumpet and cello!”

While all those strict rules Alethia’s mom enforced frustrated and annoyed her when she was a teen, they also kept her on track and out of trouble. “All the major drama with boys started in grade 8. Boys were not allowed to be a factor in my life at that age because my parents didn’t want me to get lost in the drama and lose sight of who I was and what my goals were.”

Even though it made Alethia frustrated, she soon saw what the other girls were going through and was so happy she listened to her mom. “Some of my friends got into the whole ‘boy drama’ thing. I found it was the ones with poor self-image. They didn’t think they did, but they were insecure and thought they needed approval by a guy. They lost sight of themselves, their school, their grades, what was important to them. It became all about the guy and pleasing him.”

“For me, I learned to have skills outside of school to boost my self esteem. It was good because I didn’t need validation from a guy that I was good enough.”

Not having a lot of money in the family made it difficult at times when it came to trends and labels. “I definitely wanted all the labels but I’m not exactly a size 6 so it didn’t work out for me anyway. And you know what, it kind of did work out for me because I didn’t have all the stress about that stuff. Since I never had the long flowy hair or the beautiful skin, I focused more on the non-tangible things I could offer the world about myself.”

“One time when I was 14 some guy told me my eyebrows were SO BUSHY and I should pluck them. I didn’t really know about plucking eyebrows back then and I kind of just laughed it off that it bothered him and not me.”

There were pressures throughout every year of Alethia’s life. When she got into high school she wanted to fit in with different crowds. “I remember thinking that I wanted to hang with the popular group, but at the same time I knew I didn’t belong there. Although I had great self esteem for the most part, I had body image issues. I was always self conscious about my height and my weight. I’m tall and overweight. After a while I started to realize that even the people who I thought were perfect had their issues too. No one was perfect and everyone has their insecurities. I ended up focusing on what I thought were my best qualities: my smile and my long legs!”

The first three years of high school Alethia didn’t get into the academics as much as she could have. But in grade 12 things turned around. “I discovered I had a great History teacher and the guidance counselors were really great too. They guided me on discovering what I wanted to do with my future. They helped me discover what I liked and how to get there. I wasn’t a straight A student but I had choices.”

With her love for social issues and wanting to make the world a better place, along with her desire to become a lawyer, Alethia graduated from grade 12 and went into Environmental Studies and in university.

“I was pretty tense about going to school for SEVEN more years after high school, but I saw this really cool presentation one day that totally changed my view. The presenter talked about how in the end it’s not about the diploma and the title you’ll get, it’s about who you are in the world. It’s living each day not looking forward to where you’re going to be but what you are doing right now.”

High school is where you grow up, go through the dramas and discover a part of yourself. In college or university, for most people a lot of the drama is gone and the experience is amazing because you are treated like an adult. Alethia felt relieved to be out of high school and on to the next phase of her life. “I love university. It’s much better than high school. For the first time ever I had a black female professor, it was awesome and she became a mentor to me. I never expected that would happen for me, but she helped with my healing about my life and who I am as a woman of colour. She helped me appreciate my mother and all that she has done for me and my family.”

All that butting heads with her mom stopped when Alethia was about 18 years old. “My mom all of a sudden became my role model. Everything she taught me finally set in. It was her sacrificing, her wisdom and her love that was the foundation of the choices I made to get me to who I am today.”

It’s easy to be in our own worlds as teens and think our parents are more of a pain than anything. Like many women, Alethia got to a place in her life when the walls disappeared and she saw her mom in a new light for who her mom was; as a woman, not just as a nagging parent.

“Sometimes I think my mom is smarter than my professors with PhD’s. I’m so glad she taught me good values and what was right and wrong. Even though being a teenager was hard, it would have been so much harder had she not given me the foundation to make good decisions and put myself first, always, and to never give up. She will always be my role model.”

Let’s not forget Alethia’s dad. While he was the strong silent type, he had a big impact on her as well. “My dad is so funny. I love how he is quirky and unique. My dad has given me a closer tie to my culture by what he has told me and who he is. I have great parents and they are great role models because they love each other so much.”

Although Alethia is on her way and going strong, she admits to having insecurities at times and she struggles just like anyone else. But through it all she has learned some good lessons and wants to give back, to help others, and to make a difference in the world. Here is her message to YOU:

“Find something that makes you feel better about yourself and makes someone else feel better too. Life is never only easy, but the more passion you put into it the more you get out. Even if you get knocked down 100 times GET UP AGAIN! It’s worth it, it’s worth it, it is always worth it!! Your situation may totally suck right now, you may hate your hair, your body, your house, you may have no money, but you ARE blessed with gifts that are unique to you... yes, every one of you... and you need to share that with the world in order to find happiness and success in your life. At the times in your life when you think you CAN’T, that is when you are soooo close and you need to hold on and keep trying because you WILL get what you want!”